I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
