if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
