I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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