Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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