I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
