He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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