The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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