How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
