you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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