"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
