I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
