Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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