I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
