Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please don't give away my fajitas
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
