You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
