Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
pray to the hookup gods
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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