You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
