We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
