Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
