somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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