Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
