We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dont even know how to be here
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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