its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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