I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
