If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
