I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
