So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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