Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
