Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
