So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
