i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
