There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
