Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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