Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
