Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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