piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize