Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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