I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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