Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
