I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
one two three fourrrrnication!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
