If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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