those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
