I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
