Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
