im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
