How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mom said you looked used
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
