I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
