i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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