Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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