I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
