I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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