well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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