I want to have your abortion
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
no, he came in my armpit
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
