Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
