She's JV to your varsity
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
