thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
