we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
