Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
