I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
