my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
