She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
