Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
