I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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