She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
