his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
