your parents love me but you hate me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
