Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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