I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize