You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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