I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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