At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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