i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize