did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
