you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
