You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
