Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
